Monday, May 11, 2009

The "Bog" Blog & Becoming A Butterfly

After I posted "Climbing Out of the Bog: Ending the Dating Drama" a couple of weeks ago, I reposted it on Facebook and got quite a few positive responses (thanks!). Most commenters could relate to the seemingly endless cycle of dating and breaking up with the wrong guy. My friend Kathy wrote "Amen to that! people don't change, you do! you can't change anyone, only they can change themselves.. fix your own inner problems first. why does someone attract a loser? work on that first! :)" I responded to her: "I hear you, Kathy. It's not so much that opposites attract. As much as it hurts, if you always find yourself with negative partners, they're being drawn to your own negativity (and vice versa)."

Now, I'm NOT an adherent to "The Secret." After reading through just a few chapters of it, I found myself revolted by the ugly side of it's Law of Attraction premise. If we think good things, we'll attract good. But if we think bad, we attract bad? Even worse, we might unconsciously attract bad things to us. Left to it's extremes, The Secret teaches us that rape, incest and murder victims brought those things on themselves... pretty scary thinking. But I digress*. While I do not believe in that hogwash, I do think people will attract others like themselves. While my best friend and I are different in many ways (she's athletic and adventurous; I'm more introverted and reflective), what has kept our friendship going for nearly twelve years is our shared values, morals and faith. And that's what I was referring to in my response about attracting negativity. People aren't magnets; opposites can attract, but if like my friend Isis, you're stuck in a dating bog, it's probably your mutual weaknesses keeping you that way.

I was listening to India Arie's "Voyage to India" yesterday and the song "Butterfly" made me think of Isis.

Constantly creepin' caterpillar,

Still a swoon in a cocoon.

Soon you might emerge,

And you're made to emerge.

A little longing to love, lush,

Starving for affection.

Hidden by the size of my perfection,

With one exception...

If you wanna butterfly,

You gotta be a butterfly.

You know that nothing falls out of the sky.

As Isis continues to grow, and work on herself, she will begin to attract the type of person she not just wants, but needs. She is not there just yet- still a "caterpillar" in many ways- but since she wants a butterfly, as Ms. Arie sings, she'll have to be a butterfly. But it'll take time:

...your time ain't up, be patient.

Now you see the sun is rising

and your realizing,

Wise enough to know,

That you gotta let yourself grow.

India continues:

What goes around comes back around;

This is nature's way.

Be conscious of what you do,

Because you will be repaid.

If you put turnips in the ground,

You will not harvest grapes.

You are what you attracted...

If you wanna a butterfly,

You gotta be a butterfly.

To all the Isis's out there, I dedicate this song to you. Below is a video of the remix of the song:

*For a thorough review from the Christian perspective, click here.


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