Tuesday, June 2, 2009

Requiem for New Millennial Craptastic Trends

Rihanna and an umbrella-ella-ella. Eh-eh-eh.

Over the weekend, the hubby and I were watching the 2007 installment of VH1’s “I Love the New Millennium” which pondered such great questions as why did Rihanna add so many syllables to the word “umbrella” (“UM-BRELLA-ELLA-ELLA-EH-EH-EH”), and I started thinking of all the fads and trends that emerged in popular culture this decade. Thankfully, many of the whoops corrected themselves (like, say for instance, the TMI-revealing combo of low rider jeans and thongs, which admittedly, I was guilty of wearing in 2001), and I hope they never return. Following is a list of things K and I did not love about the new millennium:

1. Repetitious sounds in pop songs such as the aforementioned “UM-BRELLA-ELLA-ELLA-EH-EH-EH”, Sisqo’s “THONG, THA-THONG, THONG, THONG” in “The Thong Song” or Jamie Foxx’s recent “AH-AH-AH-AH-AH-ALCOHOL” in “Blame It (On The Alcohol)”. I’ll admit these sounds are catchy- like catching a mental cold you can’t rid yourself of. Ever laid in bed unable to sleep with any of these sounds replaying in your head? Torture. Entertaining, but torture.

His songs were "MURDER!" On my ears.

2. Ja Rule. Yes, he came out in the late 90’s, but it was the sickeningly sweet duets in the early 00’s with Jennifer Lopez, Mary J. Blige and especially Ashanti that left me saying “I Cry” every time this dude had a single out.

3. America’s Next Top Chef Model Talent Fashion Survivor. The reality is these shows are real… played out. This country needs these shows like we need another Taylor Hicks album. Meaning, we don’t. Whatever happened to sitcoms anyway?

4. Auto-tune songs. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, listen to any song featuring or produced by T-Pain. Kanye West’s devastatingly bad “808’s & Heartbreak” was full of the electro-sounding mess. I think it’s funny that 10 years after Cher used the technology in “Believe” rappers have discovered it. And have now killed it. Please bury it.

5. Stupid Girls. You know the celebutantes. Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan and Nicole Ritchie during her former pre-Joel Madden life. I think the epoch of the star-struck worship of the stick thin, crappucino drinking, huge sunglasses wearing, puppy toters was about 2005. Like Pink, I hope this love of dumbed-down female starlets never comes back into fashion.

6. Cornrows. I wore this early 00’s look, too, as did K. I was inspired by the beautiful Ms. Keys, plus I didn’t relax my hair at the time, so when it was humid, it was a savior. But undo the braids, put the beads and rubber bands away and lay this one to rest because it’s over. When Iverson shaved his off, the look was officially eulogized.

7. Skinny jeans on guys aren’t cute. Heck, it’s a risky venture even for many girls, but when guys wear them, it often looks awkward. When guys are tall, it looks like their jeans shrunk. And even for shorter guys who pull it off, sagging already tight jeans is just bizarre. No one wants to see the top of your underwear, or worse, plumber’s crack. I’m looking at you Pete Wentz.

Bob is currently consulting with lawyers over possible copyright infringement.

8. Co-opting Obama’s campaign slogans to hock products. Starbucks, Pepsi and now even pharmaceutical companies have borrowed from the Prez’s 2008 campaign to show they too believe in “Hope” and “Change.” They even proclaim “Yes, we can!”… but end up sounding like Bob the Builder. Quite special. I know in this country anything gets sacrificed on the altar of the almighty dollar, but give it a rest. And that’s change I can believe in.

Are there some annoying trends, fads or styles you are glad to see come and go? Or are still hoping to see pass away? Leave a comment and let’s keep this list going.


Jenn Maisano said...

Crocs. Uggs with shorts. Yuck.

Alisha De Freitas said...

Um, yeah, crocs are waaaay fugly. I have fallen into the trap of ugly footwear via Uggs, I'll admit it. But they are super comfortable. I will never wear them with shorts, though. It's confusing. Are you hot or cold? Besides, I don't want to wear a look made famous by Pam Anderson and Britney Spears.

Don said...

Thongs worn with low-riders, yes, please. The style looked good up until I witnessed on the wrong woman.

Autotune had its moments, not so much now.

Exact sentiments on Ja Rule: to the day I still listen to many of his songs and depending on the mood/day my thoughts range anywhere from Ja Rule was jammin' to how did I ever listen?

Skinny jeans look weird on a full grown man.

Styles that I believe are long overdue to end: women hairstyles with spiked hair and glitter and almost appear to be hats. Daisy dukes/coochie-cutters. socks and sandals, combined.

Alisha De Freitas said...

Daisy dukes/coochie-cutters

I don't know how it's like down south, but they are HUGE this summer up here. Not for me since I don't believe the world needs to see my birth mark.

Wow, I haven't heard anyone say "coochie cutters" since I was a teen. Classic!

As for Ja Rule, can I say, in a weird way, I miss him? He still sucks, but goodness, compared to the utter crappage (yup, I just used that, & I should TM that) on the radio today, I wouldn't mind a little "MURDERRRR"!

Alisha De Freitas said...

socks and sandals, combined.

Why was this ever a good thing? Just wear shoes. Geez...

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