Friday, November 20, 2009

It’s Hard Out Here… With A Limp



This guy thinks he's got it bad? Try having a neuropathy!


I mentioned a few weeks ago that I have developed a neuropathy. To date, the myriad of doctors I have visited still do not have a clue as to why. They have ruled out a number of diseases, viruses and autoimmune disorders, but still, nada. So, dear readers, I ask that you keep me in prayer.

Recently, someone (maybe on Twitter or Facebook, I don’t know, it’s all one big cyber social for me right now) did a status update that said “It’s hard out here for a pimp”. I immediately thought about Terrence Howard in “Hustle & Flow”, complete with the funky, dried out perm, and the Oscar winning (yeah, that still seems weird to me, too) theme “It’s Hard Out Here For A Pimp.” I then quickly thought, “What? Pimps think they have it hard? Try being me for a while!”. Upon reflection, I admit, that is one totally weird thought. But it does make some sense. Let me share with you some of my experiences:



  • While at the orthopedist’s office during my final visit in September, the doctor told me he didn’t believe any of the tests I was undergoing for my neurologist would reveal anything was physically wrong with me. “They can do a EMG, but I don’t think it will show a thing.” I sat, silently for a minute insulted. “This dude doesn’t think anything is wrong with me physically? Ok, so it’s in my head? He thinks I’m nutso?” Hurt, I responded, “Well, it seems no one can find what’s going on with me. I’ve been to so many doctors, and no one knows. I think it’s a lot of educated guessing.” Whoops. Before I could close my mouth, the orthopedist went off on a long speech about doctors not knowing everything, car mechanics and finally, closing with a lecture on why Obama’s healthcare reform will be disastrous and everyone who voted for him will have to deal with the repercussions. I sat, stunned, mouth still agape as the old man stormed (ok, he’s super old, so it was more like shuffled noisily) out of the room. See, if I were a pimp, I could’ve popped the old doc with my shiny, stud-topped cane. He would’ve checked himself quick and know not to insinuate that I’m crazy or that I have an interest in discussing politics instead of my health. But since I’m me, I just picked my jaw off the floor, grabbed my purse and limped out. Come to think of it, that cane would’ve been handy with my limp, too.



  • Pimps are always working hard to keep their pros in line. They’re always looking menacing, yelling and raising their hand as a warning… at least they do this on television and movies. When I think of pimps, it’s usually a mix of Huggy Bear, Ike Turner, Kat Williams and Snoop Dog- which is ironic, since none of those guys were/are actually pimps. But anyway, the Hollywood pimps always have a way to stay in control. Unfortunately, these tactics don’t work for me, since my fight is to stay in control of me. The neuropathy causes my legs, arms and hands to feel simultaneously weak and sore. Sometimes I feel like my lower back is on fire. Sometimes while I’m walking, one of my legs will just give out. I haven’t fallen, thank God, but I sometimes make a crazy “OH NO!” face like I’m going to, causing people to want to come rushing to my aid. Which makes me feel embarrassed. Pimps, by the way, never show they are embarassed. At least the actors who play them don’t. I, on the other hand, have the most obvious Poker Face that could make even Lady Gaga gag. I’ve tried talking to my legs (in my head, not out loud, I’m not nutso!), but they don’t seem to always want to listen. They’ll be good one day, then rebellious the next. How am I to get them in line? The pimp hand will not work in this situation. Mostly because the neuropathy has turned my hand into the limp hand. And my legs do not fear that.



  • Pimps are known for their hair. They keep their jheri curls juiced. They will work a press and curl better than your grandma. If for some reason, like having a hit out on them, they cannot make their weekly hair appointment, someone will come to them. Same with their nails, which for many Hollywood pimps, seem to be as important as their hair. I, on the other hand, am not so connected in the world of beauty. If I can’t make it to the shop because of exhaustion, no one will kindly stop by our apartment to freshen up my mani. I always feel antsy going to the shops now since my legs have a tendency to not just fall asleep, but lapse into comas when I sit for too long without being able to move once in a while. At work this isn’t a problem, I usually get up to go to the fax machine or copier throughout the day. At the shops, no such luck. Since I have no clout and do not tip with twenties, I have to wait for my hair to be washed and rolled just like everyone else. And this sometimes means hours of barely moving. My one upside here, though, is when I’m done, my hair usually has a bounce that could put a pimp’s to shame.



I could go on about how I can’t rock platforms like a 70’s retro pimp, either (especially painful since they are so in this season), but I’ll stop here. You get my point. It is far harder out here with a limp.



4 comments:

Don said...

Love the way you made the distinction between what a pimp perceives as being hard, and what's really real - that which you undergo.

Good luck with your neuropathy. Sorry to hear. Silent prayer going out...

Alisha De Freitas said...

Hey Don,

This might sound crazy, but i think we all get caught in pimp thought from time to time, being focused on the shallow and superficial as opposed to what's really important. I have been humbled and far more appreciative of what I can do thanks to all this.

Thank you for the prayer. It's much appreciated.

Kandi Girl said...

I loved this blog! The comparisons and contrasts were awesome and I got a real laugh out of it (but not out of the part of your suffering... :( ) I'm praying for you hun. Continue to trust in the Lord... James 1:2-4 ; 2 Cor 12:10

Alisha De Freitas said...

Thanks, Kandi! I'm trying to find humor in this, stay upbeat.

Thanks for the verses. I'm planning to use the one from 2 Corinthians in an upcoming blog, so it's cool you posted it here.

Love you chica!

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