Tuesday, February 9, 2010

"No Ring, No Ting!"

...until you put two rings on it!

My girl Candace just posted this video on Facebook, and I had to share. Gospel Reggae telling the TRUTH!

This being February, with Valentine's Day right around the corner, I figured I'd open up the topic of sex. Full disclosure, I gave my virginity to K on our wedding night. Freakish to many nowadays, but one of the best decisions I've made in my book. But what do you say? How do you feel about:

  • Pre-marital sex?
  • How far is too far if you choose to leave intercourse for the Honeymoon?
  • Being "re-virginized", or choosing to abstain after losing your virginity?
  • Is sex in all it's forms okay for married couples?
  • If you're married, did you wait to have sex with your spouse? Do you have regrets either way?
  • Are sex toys okay?
  • Do you feel abstinence only education programs work?
  • What's the difference between chastity and abstinence?
Want to share your opinions on this? Please opine. But do remember, keep it classy! No vulgarity, and while this isn't a Christian Blog, I am a Christian, and if I feel a comment crosses a decency line, it will be deleted.

Comment away!


Anonymous said...

I personally feel like premarital sex is so wrong!Not because the Bible says so alone but sex before marriage strips you of the ability to feel.There is a thin line between one's emotions and great sex,and when you constantly engage in relations with different people it takes a long time to bond sexually with your husband or wife! The "freaky" concept is hard to shut down especially when that is what your used to.Guilt starts to enter the scene when you want to engage in practices deemed ungodly or "too good for my spouse" but your sexual needs go unfulfilled! Education works,only if you place emphasis the persons self worth over all.Shoot I knew it was wrong,but hormones are hard to combat! My advice:Keep your legs closed, there is no such thing as being a virgin again,once it's gone it is gone! I'll always remember my first,and regret it wasn't my husband who I love:)
PS Girl I love you, I got on just for you!

Alisha De Freitas said...

Thanks for the comment, "Anon". But what practices do you feel or "unGodly" or "too good for your spouse"? And isn't that a bit of an oxymoron? "UnGodly" yet "too good"? And its sad that "sexual needs go unfulfilled". Interesting...

I'm glad I waited, but I regret going as far as I did. In many aspects, I feel like I was a physical virgin, but mentally, that ship had sailed a long time before! I agree, it's best to not play with fire.

Alisha De Freitas said...

FYI: For a male perspective on chastity, you can check out the Wintery Knight blog: http://winteryknight.wordpress.com/2010/02/09/why-men-should-refuse-a-womans-offer-of-casual-sex/

Anonymous said...

Let's refer back to the note "Marriage Bed Undefiled" on this one. I feel that because of promiscuity in the era of the "tri-sexuals"
( try anything once) it spoiled my vision of making oral sex an act done out of love. The purity factor is zero in my case,and I tend to feel guilty.I married to get a license to do it all,but now I'm thinking a little differently.

Alisha De Freitas said...

What happened when you pray about it? Did you feel God leading one way or the other?

I think there are many things that could be put in the "acceptable" category, but might not be "beneficial". But that doesn't make it right or wrong. Have you tried to speaking to your husband about this? Have you two prayed about it? Do you desire the past mindset to be broken, or are you okay with it?

Off topic, but, there are a number of Christians who don't drink alcohol because they think the Bible says it's wrong, when in fact, it says not to be drunk. Two very different things. However, some stay away from alcohol because it's a stumbling block in their walk. Do you believe certain sexual acts are a stumbling block? If so, I can understand the trepidation. If not, you need to re-evaluate your beliefs.

I've come to the point in my relationship with Christ, that I'm not going to accept things simply because I was taught a certain way without valid (Biblical, spiritual) support for it. Some things I was taught was wrong simply because it wrong according to a particular tradition. Some of that is good; some is just legalism. We all have to seperate the wheat from the chaff.

Angel said...

in so many ways i feel like sex before marriage is an uneducated decision. so many people are starting younger and younger and while the may understand the physical aspect of it most of them do not understand the emotional aspect of each sexual situation you put yourself in. i think schools should start to teach sex education at a younger age. in my hs it wasnt until senior year and by that time 4 or 5 of the graduating class already had children. im not saying that we should encourage our children to have sex but i am saying that it is a reality that has to be dealt with in a modern way.
personally, if i wouldnt have started having sex i probably wouldnt have had it until marriage. the decision was my own and it was not a good one, but it was a learning experience and at this point whats done is done.
sex in the marriage bedroom should be whatever you and your spouse are comfortable with. there is no reason why someone who is married and has every right to have sex and express themselves should be sexually unsatisfied. you should experiment with each other and talk about what you both do and do not like, and don't get upset about it because in the long run it will help your relationship. as a people we need to understand that what you do in the bedroom with your spouse is your business. as long as the two of you are happy who is anyone else to judge?
as far as a becoming a virgin "again" that's ridiculous. once its gone that's it, there's no taking it back and whoever you gave it to has it forever. that's the decisions you made so deal with it.

Alisha De Freitas said...

Wow, Blogger totally destroyed my response! *Mad* Ok, Angel, let me try again. Thank you for your response. I agree many kids don't realize how serious the consequences of sex are. My sister becoming a mom at 17 would be the first 2 tell girls that the the end result of your actions can be life changing.

I agree that schools should have solid sex ed classes. I went to Christian schools my whole life, and although we got the technical side of things, there was no sex ed or even an informative health class! My sister wasn't the only Bristol Palin that I knew. If parents object, they can always opt out.

Personally, I don't think anything my husband and I do behind closed doors in agreement with each other, is wrong. Except menage a trois. No co-signing on consensual cheating here! I think expressing ourselves sexually in different ways keep things interesting.

And yes, I agree with you. There's no changing the past. What's done is done. There are things I've done that I regret, but I've learned from them, and although it's hard, I had to move on. It's like Luda said: "You got to drink some prune juice and let ish go!" Otherwise, you're future will be forever darkened by mistakes of the past.

Alisha De Freitas said...

Anon, I saw this and thought of you. Tips on how to get the lines of communication open regarding sex with your husband: http://blackandmarriedwithkids.com/2010/02/08/bmwk-roundtable-how-to-talk-to-your-spouse-about-sex/

Copy and paste the link in your browser.

Anonymous said...

Got the link, Thanks! Hubby is fine with it,I'm the confused one,He says its love and I don't have to "return the favor" I just want to have a mind set to be free in the liberty Christ has given me! I feel like I shouldn't but I'm not gonna force hubby to stick to my views! Thxs again for the link,with V day coming soon, I'll need it,

Alisha De Freitas said...

Kewl! Remember that liberty & freedom! And check out my post "Hot, Sexy& Married" for more ideas!

Picture of The Week

Picture of The Week
K and Z enjoying the Christmas tree.

Pray for Our Nation

Got A Burning Question? Ask Me Here!

Featured Blog Of The Week

Featured Blog Of The Week
Afro-Europe Blog

What I'm Listening to Right Now

What I'm Listening to Right Now
"Food & Liquor 2: The Great American Rap Album" by Lupe Fiasco

What I'm Reading Right Now

What I'm Reading Right Now
"Homicide: A Year on the Killing Streets"


Far Above Rubies's Fan Box

If You Like What You're Reading, Share!

Share |

They Like Me, They Really Really Like Me!