Tuesday, September 14, 2010

He Put The... Ahem... In A WHAT?

Hey LADIES! Does this do anything for you? Huh? Huh?


I was talking to my ex-Jersey friend Kandi on the phone last week about Kanye's latest "Monster," which showcases his lyrical prowess along with Jay-Z's, Rick Ross' and Niki Minaj's as well. She had heard of the song, but hadn't listened to it yet. The conversation went something like this:

Me: Girl, when I heard it on Hot 97, which by the way, had like a trillion bombs going off over it cause Flex was spinning like it was dag-on 1997 (yes, I actually speak like this, too, not just write), my mouth was left in a "O"! My jaw dropped.

Kandi: What? Funk Master Flex is STILL there? (Okay, I'm embellishing here, she didn't say it but I was thinking that.) Is it really THAT bad?

Me: Yes! Listen to it!

Kandi: Li, I don't want to! Just tell me the words.

Me: Um, well, it's about Monsters (uh duh). Like they're saying they are monsters. Horrible. Kanye sounds like a mix of jerk and bored... but well, that's normal for him. But Jay-Z is like "rape and pillage women and children" and crap, and Niki sounds straight... schizo! She does like 5 different voices in her verse!

Kandi: Huh? (We both have T-Mobile.)

Me: Augh, will you just go Google the freakin' lyrics? Read it and you'll see!

Kandi: click click click click click click...

Me: No, Honey, I'm still on the phone.

Kandi: Huh?

Me: I was talking to Keiron.

Kandi: Oh... click click clack clickety clack click...

Me: Well?

Kandi: I got them! Let's see... "I shoot the lights out/ Hide til its bright out /Whoa, just another lonely night/ Are you willing to sacrifice your life?" Huh, sacrifice your life?

Me: Keep reading...

Kandi: "*EXPLETIVE* I’m a monster no good blood sucker/ Fat *EXPLETIVE* now look who’s in trouble..."

Me: He he he, we know you're a big dude, Rick... Get to Kanye's part...

Kandi: "... Cause you will never get on top off this/ So mommy best advice is to get on top of this/ Have you ever had sex with a pharoah/ I put the *EXPLETIVE* in a sarcophagus...". What??? Eww, that's not sexy! "Now she claiming I bruise her esophagus/ Head of the class and she just want a swallowship"... No, this isn't right, this is just sick!"

Me: The sad thing is, dumb guys think this is cool. 'Yeah, I killed that!' For a woman, how is that appealing? A tore up vajayjay and a sore throat! Yeah, so 'kingly'. He is a "Monster". He can kiss my a...

Again, since this wasn't taped, this was pretty much how the conversation went. My apologies to Kandi for only "pretty much" getting it down. But you get the point, Dear Readers. One, that song is a hot dern mess. And two, as ladies, we really do not get the appeal of the self-centered, painful message that Kanye, acting as some freaky, hood Dr. Suess, delivers. Yes, we get that Kanye & crew are boasting about how monstrous THEY are. But why are so many regular guys tuned into that gross message?

Kanye, what happened to the Jesus piece? The sweater vests? Non-glowing eyes?

It didn't take long before the above lines started popping up in my time line on Twitter and Facebook. In a bizarre twist, I've seen this stuff mixed up with VMA reports and an adorable music video by my friends April & Gary. Okay, so it's not bizarre with the VMA stuff. Anything with Lady Gaga is automatically way on the other side of normal. On a side note, you might note her fondness for calling her cult-like fanbase "monsters", too.

These mash-up of messages has left me thinking. Yes, that perhaps there are certain people I should maybe filter on my social networking sites. But mainly on how twisted people can get when it comes to love, strength, admiration and power. Kanye has become the poster boy for hip-hop confusion. He's talking about baptismal water washing over his "Cesar" cut, then telling people to kiss him where the sun don't shine. All the while, his one constant seems to be narcissism. After all, he did rap that "Jesus walks with me"- NOT that he was following in the path of Christ (how's that for "Jesus Is My Homeboy"?). And if we don't like it, we're "Haters" and don't recognize we're in the "presence of greatness". Confidence? Nah. This man doth protest too much. He wears conceit like a pair of $5,000 shades.


Later, I noticed Gary's posting of a duet with his wife April on Facebook. They sang Damien Rice's "Volcano". Their rendition was simmering, sweet, passionate, questioning... and giving. Funny how their duet seems to describe them, too. Humble, melodic... love. The last line is "You do not need me." This line rings true. April is a whole person without Gary, and Gary, without April. But they come together to make a whole, complete union. The opposite of neediness, they are confident in each other.

Which brings me back to that little conversation I had with my friend, Kandi, and those "Monster" lyrics. Yeah, I know, it's a song. Just a song. I'm not saying it's the end of the world because millions of people are amazed that a rapper can rhyme "sarcophagus" and "esophagus" in a sexually charged line. I'm actually more amazed by the amount of people who don't know what a "sarcophagus" is and where the "esophagus" is located. But I do think it's a shame that millions of guys are following this stupidity, of "hitting it, then splitting it in two" (no disrespect to the late B.I.G.) as if they are being charmed by a Pied Piper (I'm going to leave out the diatribe I could make about R.Kelly). Forget what some rapper says about sex. When you make love to your wife- yes, make love, and yes, wife... no "y" at the end- does it reflect, a selfless, giving love? Or that you just want to "smash"? Are you holding on to some selfish habits in the bedroom learned before you married? Honestly? Are you treating your wife the way Christ modeled? Or are you trying to get her to earn a "swallowship" with no concern to getting a-head in her class? "Swallowship"...sheesh, no wonder this dude is a "College Dropout"...


Poor Jane. Her husband Bob thinks Jane is happy because "the neighbors know his name." She was actually saying "Oh, God" and wondering how she could get him to stop listening to that darn Urban Music station during his work commute.

Anyway, think about it. And if you think your lady is satisfied, go ahead and ask her. Ask her what she wants, what she desires. And before you think everything is cool, please know that EIGHTY PERCENT OF WOMEN FAKE IT. Harry, meet Sally.

6 comments:

April Joy said...

i find it so amusing that people create their sexuality and whats "amazing" during sex based on public icons . i guarantee there is a world full of disappointed sex partners, not because what culture says doesnt work or isnt good, but because theres no originality between the two making love. creativity is -to me- so sexually pleasing in itself.

Alisha De Freitas said...

I think it's pretty sad that so many people base vital aspects of their entire lives on what a celebrity says, does or sings.

And creativity! Yes, from many of the studies I've read, the lack of creativity, spontaneity and originality seems to be among the biggest problems for couples.

Hope you didn't mind being in my blog... again. I tell my friends, caution: you may appear in a story of mine!

mizChartreuse said...

I try to take these fools with a grain of salt, but sometimes it's just too much.

I'm all for loving yourself, and being who you are, unapologetically. I enjoyed Kanye's "Toast to the Douchebags" performance at the latest VMAs because I really don't think he needed to apologize yet again about the staged Taylor Swift dramz.

That said, these artists are becoming increasingly dark, with Jay and Kanye leading the pack. I tweeted the other day, "Is Nikki Minaj famous because she raps like she is absolutely insane?"

It's weird. I definitely am doing a slow weaning off of the mainstream media, music, movies, etc. Not going to eradicate these all completely, but I don't want to be completely submerged in this madness.

Alisha De Freitas said...

Miz,

"Is Nikki Minaj famous because she raps like she is absolutely insane?"

Oh, you are waaaay too hilarious! Yes, I believe she is. I like you so much.

Yes, I'm weaning myself off this stuff, too. I've realized everytime I fall into a blue mood, the first words in my head are lyrics from someone associated w/ the Roc. Not a good sign...

I do agree the whole thing w/ Taylor was way overdone. He was wrong. He apologized. Move on. I mean, he's made dumb comments before... it's what he's known for! Lol. At least he could poke fun at himself.

Now if only he would get his retinas to stop glowing...

Alan said...

So I know Im late, but great piece. I agree with April in that I think too many people think what they hear or see is reality, and when they realize that it not the same, it ruins the perception that they had of the relationship, as they never thought to create their own love life and not live someone elses.

As far as weening off the main stream media, I have been trying to do this for years. Im not saying its not possible, but i for sure haven't found the winning combination. There are times when i stay away from it for a couple of weeks, but then find myself feening for Jay if Im in an urban mood, or rock if Im in a rocker mood.

I guess I have just never found an adequate replacement to fill the void. Im such a lover of music, and find so many things wrong with the lyrics, but just cant put it down.

Alisha De Freitas said...

Alan,

I agree. That's why I'll go on a Dave Mathews Band non-stop play day, or switch to a little Drake on another day. I love all kinds of music, so I'm not going to pretend I'm going to wipe out hundreds of songs on my Itunes anytime soon (or ever), lol.

What I do is try to mix it up so it's not too much of the negative. Or the silly. I'll listen to Billie Holiday and Alicia Keys and Ce Ce Winans and Lauryn Hill. Or Gwen Stefani and Kelly Clarkson and Adele. I think keeping a mix (for me) keeps things balanced.

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