Thursday, September 30, 2010

Two Become One: Gorety & Wesny



Gorety & Wesny.

Note: This is part of a series on Love, Sex, & Relationships from a Christian Perspective. It was inspired by "No Ring, No Ting".

What a year it's been for the state of marriage. Tiger cheated. And cheated. And cheated some more on Elin. Their marriage over, Elin has the kids and hundreds of millions. Jesse cheated on Sandra, and now they're splitsville. David Boreanaz behaved in a very un-"Angel"-ic manner when he was unfaithful to his wife Jaime. Then there was Tiki Barber, dumping his very pregnant wife (carrying twins) for an NBC intern. Former American Idol Winner Fantasia Barrino was involved with a married man, while Alicia Keys began a relationship with a married Swizz Beatz- and now they are married and expecting a baby.

With all these musical chair style relationships, there's no wonder quite a few people have declared themselves off marriage. They fear that once the music stops playing, they'll be the odd person out, grasping for a spot now taken by another.

"I think the whole concept of marriage is outdated. In the past, yes, it made sense. People had life expectancies of 40. So you could get married young and 'til death do you part.' But now, people are living double that or more, so it's silly to believe the average person should have one life partner." These scary sentiments came right out the mouth of a twenty-something female. Taken aback, I just allowed the sentiments to percolate without response. Obviously, to a number of men AND women, marriage (and fidelity) went out of style some time in the last century, along with poodle skirts, phones with cords and cassette tapes.

But not to all of us. Gorety is a happily married mother of two little boys who takes the sanctity of marriage very seriously. Not just in her own 5 year marriage to husband Wesny, but for all couples. After seeing a need for couples to have support from each other (especially in a world that is so dismissive of marriage), she helped found Kingdom Sowers, a group dedicated to helping spouses stay strong in God and each other. Most of the members are in their 20's and 30's, a particularly rough time for couples who may have to balance jobs, school, children and a number of other responsibilities simultaneously. However, there is no age requirements, and although most in the group are Christian, there are people outside of the faith who attend get-togethers, too.

Sometimes the group is held at a home for informal chat sessions, allowing the spouses to fellowship. Other times, Kingdom Sowers has headed out for a "Date Night", and the husbands and wives have found themselves getting dressed to the nines for each other- something many haven't done since they were dating.

Ever on the move, I wanted to get a chance to ask Gorety her personal views on marriage. I caught up to her to get a few answers:

How important do you feel sex is in marriage?
"Sex is very important in  a marriage because it bring us to a common ground of being one.  
When a couple make love they are fulfilling the command that GOD gave them."

Do you feel there are certain sexual acts that even married folks should not do? Why or why not?
 "I believe if it does not go against the will of GOD… a bedroom is undefiled so it is 
 between a husband and wife."
Do you believe there is a difference between abstinence and chastity?
"No."
Can and should chastity be practiced in marriage?
"No, because your body does not belong to u and that was the whole purpose of getting married."
How do you keep the romance burning in marriage, especially with kids?
"Making time for each other without kids and making sure that the fire is still burning…. Doing little things that one is not expecting.  Try  putting the kids to bed early to enjoy the night."
Did you and your husband wait until the honeymoon to have sex? Yes or no, are there any regrets?
"Yes… it was worth it because we were blind but we now see. No regrets…."
What do you think the role of the husband is in the Christian marriage?
 "Treating your wife like GOD treat the church..being the provider, supporter, the initiator of the house going before GOD." 

 What about the role of the wife?
  "To submit to her husband, care for the family and to fulfill household duty."
  Do you think it’s okay for one partner in the marriage to withhold sex from the other for any reason?
   "No...it’s not your body when you decided to share it with someone else. Sometime duty sex has to take place because if u do not fulfill ones needs who will."  

   What about affection?
   "Same goes for affection."
   What role does communication play in your relationship?
    "The biggest role because without communication nothing can get done."
    How would you advise Christian women who have very little interest in being intimate
     with their husbands?
    "Change things up, remember the memories that made you fall in love and ask questions."
 
    Who proposed? You or him?
      "My husband."

      How did the proposal go?
      "We go to the same church and my husband knows how I love my church so he decided to ask me to marry him right before the benediction."   
     Do you feel it’s wrong to use toys in the bedroom? 
     "The bedroom is undefiled so it's up to the couple."


      Gorety's group, Kingdom Sowers, will soon have a Facebook page up. When it debuts, I'll make sure to post the link. If you are interested in talking about sex and relationships from the Christian perspective, email me at alishadefreitas@gmail.com.

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