Friday, October 1, 2010 The Dating Site for Virgins

Yeah, you read that title correctly. exists for hooking up those who are, um, ... not hooking up. Why not? There are dating sites for those who like people of different races, love dogs, hate dogs, are Mormons, Jewish, Gay... why not those rocking purity rings?

 From MSNBC:

"The most interesting aspect of virgin dating site — besides its grammatically interesting name — is probably the gift shop. 

To be sure, isn't the first virgin-targeted dating site — you know how popular being a virgin is these days, what with Bristol Palin and Levi Johnson re-converting (i.e. renewing their commitment to chastity) during their short-lived re-engagement and all. But it may be the first one that offers an actual prop to create literal card-carrying virgins ... or maybe virgin Pokemon.

The dating site's store offers perplexingly "sold-out" gift memberships (did they run out of Internet?), obligatory rubber wristbands (VirginStrong!) and plastic virginity cards. "Vcards can be used to represent the value of your purity," reads the description for the product valued at $3.50 ($5 for customers outside the U.S.). "No returns. No Refunds. No store credit."

Just like your virginity!...

Is it worth the wait? Anxious virgins looking to meet their match can read (currently three) inspirational stories written by people who got married and had sex, allegedly in that order. Mind you, the writing is modest. It reads like the lamest fan fiction on the Internet. Frankly one expects better story exposition from the recently deflowered blathering away online. (Might I suggest substituting one of the main players with Capt. Kirk, Edward Cullen … or for the discerning ex-virgin, Snape, as one of the main players?) 

Speaking of writing, the home page features a detailed description of what constitutes a virgin — in case potential site members aren't sure — repeating the term "sexual intercourse" more than three times in one paragraph. This attempt to clarify "sexual intercourse" only muddles an increasingly muddled topic. Is "everything else" okay? Are you still eligible for a Vcard? 

Seriously. Respect, y'all. Nevermind that fetishized "purity" has been used to oppress women since the dawn of time or that teens who take virginity pledges are more likely to engage in riskier sexual behavior. Virginity is a rare and valuable commodity these days — according to "It was reported in 2009 that someone was willing to pay 5.6 million dollars to buy the virginity of a woman." Who reported? Who was that "someone?" Maybe the same guy who loaned his sweater to a beautiful young woman the night before, and found it the next morning — ON HER GRAVE!

What does a virgin look like? Another dating site, OKCupid, has a photo game in which you're shown a series of photos and asked to guess which photos contain virgins — kind of like that quiz where you're asked to distinguish Helvetica font from Arial. The "guess the virgin" game should be a lot easier to play on … in theory. The virgin dating sites home page features images of a diverse rainbow of racially-matched "happy couples." Alas, reading the print at the bottom reveals, "The persons in the photos are models. The images are being used for illustrative purposes only." 

Sigh. So there's no way to really know. Is anybody a virgin anymore? better hope so if it wants to make it beyond the Jonas Brothers demographic."

 Purity bands- cause nothing says "Look But Don't Touch" like a pink, elastic, "Live Strong"-knock off. No, really, it does make you "look" but definitely NOT want to "touch".
 Wow, way harsh, Helen Popkin. And yes, I am aware that I used the phrase "way harsh" like Cher did with Tai in "Clueless", but all that virgin-bashing transported me to that scene in which an angry Tai lashes out at Cher by poking fun at her inability to drive... and her virginity. 
Even though I was admittedly a makeout slore (if you don't know what I mean by that... good), I was a virgin when I married Keiron. So to answer a few of her questions, "Is it worth the wait?" Yes, definitely. Gorety and April felt the same way, too. And as for how does a virgin look like? Just like I did 2 years ago. Is she expecting people with 3 eyes or something?

Well, I will agree with her about the whole approach taken with this site and other cheeseball ones like it. They don't exactly make not having your cherry popped look appetizing. And by having pictures of pretty young things clearly labeled as models, the site is pretty much saying, "No good looking people are virgins so we had to hire a few to pretend, but even they wouldn't allow us to post these without it being known they are only actors." Which is saying a lot, and none of it good. So yeah, the site is a definite fail. If I were still single, I would take another crack at getting pass E*Harmony's epic personality-test thingy (I tried, but alas, boredom got the best of me) before joining this site. You and me might be pure, but you and me are not dorks. 
Wow, I guess I can be way harsh, too.


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