Thursday, April 28, 2011

The Beautiful Scars

A mother shows off her stretchmarks. (Photo Credit)

Looking at this story really boosted my confidence... I've been feeling especially unattractive lately, with my skin a blotchy mess and my walk having become a waddle. From MSNBC:

"Bonnie Crowder’s moment of truth came as she sat in a café in Anaheim, Calif. Like many moms, she didn’t like her body: Despite efforts to lose the baby weight, her stomach still looked fat and unattractive to her eyes.
Then a fit-looking mom walked by, and as she hoisted up the infant carrier in her arms, her shirt hiked up to reveal a glimpse of flabby tummy – the same post-baby belly that Crowder had thought was her secret shame.

“I thought, maybe this isn’t my fault,” Crowder says. “Maybe this is normal.”

Then Crowder had a third thought, one that would change her life and change the attitudes of thousands of women: “I thought, more people need to see this.”

At that moment, “Shape of a Mother” was born. Certain that more people needed to see what real women’s bodies look like after pregnancy and birth — not just the air-brushed and creatively lit six-pack abs in glossy magazines – the San Diego mother of two started a website where mothers send in photos of their bodies. Don’t expect artfully shot portraits with strategically placed shadows: These women get real. Stretch marks, C-section scars, dimply thighs and wonky breasts are on display here.

Crowder wasn’t sure whether anyone else would care, but submissions started rolling in almost immediately. She has posted 1,700 entries over the past five years, some anonymous and some with names and faces. The site has been so successful, she recently started a new site called “This is a Woman” to share images of all kinds of real women’s bodies – not just moms. Along with the photos on Shape of a Mother, she gets heartfelt, sometimes achingly confessional posts from women explaining their complicated relationships with their post-baby bodies.

“I feel as if I am disgusting, I look in the mirror and don’t even see myself anymore. Every part of me has changed, everything. I want to love who I am, but I can’t,” one mom of an 8-month-old wrote.
The community of women who comment on the site jump in quickly with encouraging words for new mothers struggling with depression. Other women post photos of their imperfect bodies with notes of defiance, even glee.

“I am 8 months postpartum. I weigh roughly 155 lbs. I get asked if I am pregnant at least once a month. But I wouldn’t trade that for anything, because I got two of the most amazing little girls out of it. My jello-like tummy, silver stripes and C-section scar are my battle wounds. I am an Amazonian warrior. I am a mother,” one mother of twins wrote.

It’s impossible to separate the emotional outpouring from the photos, Crowder explains. “We are told we are only as valuable as what we look like,” she tells “Every scar you get on your body is a scar on your heart and soul as well.”

Crowder is providing a valuable public service for women by creating a safe place to share the reality of post-partum bodies, says Dr. Gail Saltz, psychiatrist and TODAY contributor.

“It gives you a more realistic expectation that counters all the celebrity moms that look fantabulous two weeks later,” Saltz says. Moms may know intellectually that everyone’s body changes with pregnancy, but a picture is worth a thousand words, she says: “It’s one thing to know, another thing to see. Otherwise, you look down and you feel bad.”

Read the rest of the story here.


April Joy said...

i love how one woman stated shes an "Amazonian warrior" I love that.
I'm also coming into my new reality of my, as I like to envision them, tiger claw marks around my belly button. If I imagine them as such...or even art instead of marks...i start to feel better. And with my C-section incision...well I'll do what I can to feel healthier...exercise..etc...but in the end I dont want to regret the body I have. It may not be society's perfection...but its mine and I strive to be comfortable in my uniqueness. LIke Brandi Carlile sings, These lines upon my face, tell you the story of who I am...
Life and its lines/marks are about the stories we write from them...not the attaining of "perfection". I'd rather have the Amazonian tales of a warrior woman...than the dramatic egocentrism of hollywood ;)

Alisha De Freitas said...

Great comment! It was the picture and the woman's "Amazon" comment that caught me. It was just so bold and brave to view scars and imperfections in such a way. I honestly never have...

Nylse said...

I agree...i tell my children that my stretch marks are my trophies - what i got after i had each of you.
they don't bother me one bit.

Just wait until after you have your child - you'll have a whole new mindset.

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