Thursday, October 6, 2011

A Message That Can't Be Killed

"Ladies, your man is nastier than you ever imagined. Your man has been watching porno since he was twelve years old. He has pornographic images in his head and wants to relive some of that s*** before he drops dead. That's right ladies, get up on it. Listen to what the f*** I'm going to say. Just because he came, don't mean you made him come."

~Chris Rock, "Kill The Messenger"

Oh my, there is much truth in comedy. I actually find the funniest jokes are based  in reality, which is why I'm still such a huge "Seinfeld" fan after all these years. Anyway, the statement above, funny in a "shaking my head" kind of way, is very true. Brutally honest, in fact.

And I believe Rock has punchlined his way into revealing one of the biggest problems with porn. Like a mental case of genital herpes, it stays with you. Forever.

When I told a friend I was going to be doing this post, he discouraged me from doing it. And I totally understand why. I'm pretty sure some of my readers clicked on this link, and after reading the above quote, with not one, but two asterisk-filled words featured on George Carlin's infamous list of seven, began their own head shaking in earnest. Well, my bad. But again, this blog is a melding of the "sacred and profane". So skip this one. But back to my friend. He said he wasn't really into porn (not every guy is... just like not every girl isn't), and only watched it a few times back when he was in the 10th grade. But THAT is the point of this post. I'll skip the salaciousness, how porn demeans the actors- turning them into meat. I'll bypass discussing the spread of disease, along with how it separates sex from love. No, I want to point out how it remains stamped in your mind, so much so that my thirty-something friend who doesn't even like porn can still remember viewing it over fifteen years ago.

I have a friend, a very good friend, who I remember sneaking into my brother's room with back when we were about 16 or 17. We would go in there on occasion because he always had something two bored upperclass high school girls could use. A huge stereo system or a few bucks we could "borrow" to use at the corner store. One particular boring afternoon, we stumbled upon his stash of dirty mags. And by stumble, I mean, literally stumble because he had left them out in a pile along with copies of Rolling Stone and Spin. Both of us being very curious, picked up a mag and stared, laughing at the frankly unattractive couple in the middle of what should be a very private moment. "Look at her hair!" I said (yeah, I actually honed in on her feathered, permed do before taking stock of the sex). "EWWW... look at his face! Gross, Li! He looks like a dirty old man!" That was her first impression.

I bring this story up because I remember the two "models" to this day. He with his reddish-brown hair and thick beard. Her with the 1980s neon pumps on. And nothing else. I saw that magazine about twelve years ago. And I STILL remember it. I might not have mental herpes, but I definitely have some pox scars on my mind. I had rubbed up against some porn, gotten itchy with curiosity, scratched, and still have the marks to show for it.

I feel very bad for the ladies Chris is talking to. Think about that... making love to your man, sharing your body with him, giving yourself freely... to your husband... who is mentally doing some strange woman... repeatedly... augh. They've had a love affair going since he was in middle school. Might be the longest relationship he's ever had.

Chris' joke is humorous, but the story behind it is not. It's hurtful. Viewing porn is a message that can't be killed.


Don said...

If there is ever a moment or moments where my Homeboy Card is revoked, it's during a discussion of pornography. Nearly everyone around me will proclaim a certain act or position, and I'd just sit there, not even wanting to view the images on the cover of the DVD box.

This happens often at barbershops and during football or house parties and cookouts.

It's awkward, but I have gotten used to the looks and stares and embarrassments. Friends and family understand why I rather not watch porn. But it's the people I'm initially meeting who give me the "He ain't gay is he" glance.

Probably my being a hopeless romantic or more into intimacy than anything else ...

But all I ever discovered or thought to myself: all are HIV positive, I wonder how anyone kisses the woman after she's "Supermanned", and SUPER manned, and super MANNED, I bet it stinks in the room, just a wide array of negative thoughts.

You're correct - it remains inside one's mind, cause I still remember the actors involved. The man cones to mind every time I see a picture of Orlando Heat coach Stan Van Gundy.


Enjoyed the read, safely done.

Keiron said...

Well written.. Interesting angle you took on it.. I am curious as to why you think it stays in your mind?

I remember a while back you shared with me an article from NyMAG.
“For the first time in human history, the images’ power and allure have supplanted that of real naked women. Today, real naked women are just bad porn.”

I know you wanted to stay away from the demoralizing aspect of it but I just thought of it as an additive.

Alisha De Freitas said...

@Don, so there IS a Homeboy Card? Ha ha, yes, I KNEW IT! Lol, j/k. Do guys at barbershops and cookouts really sit around talking about porn? How does a conversation go? Is it like when a album drops? Like, "Did you hear that new Jay & Kanye joint?" This is strangely interesting to me. I'd ask to borrow your Homeboy Card to eavesdrop, but since it gets revoked at such gatherings, I'll have to remain curious.

@Orlando Heat coach... bwah ha ha ha ha ha... ewwwww... ha ha ha ha... eww.

@Keiron, good question. I'm not sure why it becomes imprinted on people's memories the way it does. Joe has a theory it's something like seeing a car accident in passing. Even if you are warned not to look, it's human nature to do so. I'm waiting for him to respond... hint, hint, hint.

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